Lost Weekends

"So, what are you doing this weekend?"

It's the most common question you hear on a Friday, especially the one before a holiday. What was your answer? Hosting visiting relatives? Taking a trip to see distant loved ones? Perhaps you were invited to several parties or get-togethers and are having trouble negotiating them so that no one is offended?

You are lucky.

My mom died ten weeks ago, age 78. My dad died thirteen years before her. I have only one brother, and he is a severe alcoholic who is far too wrapped up in himself to bring me any holiday joy. My dad's family, his parents, four brothers and two sisters, are all gone now. On my mom's side, one brother has died and she has one surviving sister. There are several cousins on my dad's side, but they are much older than me and I only have any real relationship with two or three. There are very few cousins on my mom's side. I have one niece and one nephew, both of whom live several states away.

I am single, no kids.

So when it comes to holidays, I more or less dread the question. Certainly I love the extra time off of work, and like everyone else I have friends. But as much as modern society would love us to believe that friends can take the place of family, when the rubber hits the road most of those friends have family that are going to (understandably) take precedence over me. It's just the way life works.

There is really no one to be upset with, because there's no one who isn't doing something they are supposed to. One can argue that I should get married, I guess, but that's a separate issue. There are lots of good reasons to get married, but one of them isn't so you won't be alone on holidays, or at all. And maybe I will, someday. Who knows? I can only talk about what's going on right now.

So, what do you do?

You check your email. A lot. Your check your messages, often. And you hope like hell there's something there every time, though a lot of times there isn't. It's hard. You get mad because no one is contacting you, but you have to keep in mind that there are other things on your friends' mind than you, that they have greater priorities than keeping you from feeling lonely.

I work full time and I do some volunteer work too. It helps to get out, see other people, occupy your time. But even when you do, there is always that feeling of "separateness" as everyone is aware but never talks about the fact that you aren't with anyone. Weekends are hard, and holidays, long weekends, are worse. You know that there are people that feel sorry for you, but you don't want to be included solely on that basis. Yet at the same time, a part of you wouldn't mind. You don't know for sure how you want people to treat you. I have a few friends, good friends, and I know that sometimes they don't know how to approach this new situation either, how to balance their concern for me and the need for boundaries. You watch the clock and wonder if anyone else out there is kind of anxious for the weekend to end and for work to start again. Then you secretly curse yourself for thinking something so unthinkable.

Yet there it is. You want to get angry with all your deceased loved ones, but that doesn't make any sense either, since they didn't want to leave you. It's just life and it's just happening and that's the hard part. There's nothing to bump up against, nothing to fight.

Unless what you need to fight is yourself. Maybe you need to fight the lethargy that comes with self-pity, the feeling of "poor little me" that you hate to acknowledge but can't help but feel. The resentment that you have been cast out alone in the world and the notion that there's no one else to blame but yourself for hiding yourself away and wanting people to come to you when what you should be doing is making yourself available to them. Some may take it as "neediness". Well, if they do, they do. March on. Don't wall yourself up. Live in the world you've got, not the one that you wish it was.

I hope that I can take my own advice. I've got a lot of life left, hopefully, and the prospect of trudging through it by myself is tremendously daunting. While I don't expect special treatment and realize that there are millions of people (in hospitals, prisons, institutions of other kinds) who are a lot more alone than I am, I do want to encourage everyone who still has family to cherish them, tell them how important they are. The truth is, they (and you) won't be here forever, and in the short, sweet time we all have together it's important to acknowledge them. It won't make the long weekends any shorter, but it will blunt the terrible ache of their absence and make it easier to join the world again.

Review of "The Longest Yard"

I always wonder about the logic behind remakes. Nine times out of ten, the film that is being remade was pretty darned good to begin with, and that presents a couple of problems for the "remakers". One, if your remake is good too, then one has to wonder what the point of remaking the film was in the first place, since a good film with the same story was already available. Second, the very presence of an original film is going to invite instant comparisons, and the remake could really only be considered a success if it is significantly better than the first. Given the fact that most original films being remade were already good, this is really placing the bar kind of high. Remaking, say, "Psycho" is ostensibly an homage to the first's quality, but wouldn't a better way to honor it simply be to make a film about the first one, instead of trying to "reimage" or "retool" it for today's audiences? One of the crucial components of a classic film (or any work of art, really) is it's ability to translate to audiences down through the ages. So throwing in a few culture references and having everyone drive stylish cars and wear hip clothes in the remake is really missing the point, isn't it?

Sigh.

So, with that in mind, we come to "The Longest Yard", a remake of, say it with me folks, a film that was pretty darned good to begin with. It's hard to talk about a remake without discussing the merits of the original, so I won't even try. The original "Longest Yard" was made in 1974 and starred Burt Reynolds at what is arguably the heighth of his powers as an actor, after his television work and before his decline into car chases operas and silly comeback vehicles. I remember very clearly watching this movie as an ABC Sunday Night Movie many times, and being able to stay up past ten o' clock to see it's last few minutes. That film worked for several reasons; Reynold's portrayal of Paul Crew, a fallen football idol who had disgraced himself by throwing a game and wound up in prison on a drunk driving charge. He was used by the prison warden to improve the prison's football team, comprised of guards. In order to do so, Crew decided to stage a practice game using the inmates to play the guards. As time goes on, the stakes of such a game become increasingly higher, as the inmates begin to see the game as a way to get back at the guards, the warden sees it as a way to solidify his political power base (the game will be televised), and Crew sees it as a means of redemption.

Sandler's film follows the same basic plot, with few real deviations. He obviously loves the original, as he peppers his remake with homages galore, including the odd choice of having Reynolds himself co-star as a (very) grizzled old college football star who appears, godlike, out of nowhere to help Crew coach the team. There are also nods to the original in Cloris Leachman's character of the warden's secretary (a role originally played by Bernadette Peters!), and a guy that looks disturbingly like the late Richard Kiel from the original, playing a HUGE crazy inmate Crew is anxious to recruit.

Some of these references work, some don't. In the end, Reynolds' character wasn't TOO annoying, though I still think it was unnecessary. And I think the casting of most of the inmates and guards was done quite well, as most of the characters brought back knowing smiles from someone who was familiar with the original. The Cloris Leachman character was just kind of weird and overdone, though, and Rock was just basically playing himself as an inmate. And Tracy Morgan as a gay cheerleader was not something I was expecting; it was kind of cute for a couple scenes but they sort of overdid it.

There are quite a few laughs in the film, just as in the original. I laughed quite a bit at the sequences where Sandler (the new Crew) is trying to recruit various inmates to join his team. Chris Rock appears as Caretaker, though I didn't find his character quite as funny as I was probably supposed to. Sandler was funny, too, but not in the obnoxious "why am I supposed to like this guy?" way he usually is. Here he seems more comfortable, less anxious to steal scenes and much less angry than he usually does. He kind of channels Reynolds' character, with his laid back, wry sarcasm, and he does pretty well.

I am kind of conflicted about this film in a way. It isn't a great film, and if you have seen the original, there really aren't any big changes or plot twists that will blow you away. And while it is funny, there are a few scenes where it's just trying too hard. But working from the template of the original, it still contains enough punch for me to recommend it. You've got the whole underdog angle, with Crew working through his own failings by bringing hope to the hopeless, you've got a suitably evil James Cromwell (replacing Eddie Albert, who just died yesterday, from the original) and a cadre of sadistic guards to root against. The original film really kind of anticipated the much more acclaimed "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" where again you have a good hearted hell raiser rousing a small community of hopeless men out of their lethargy and giving them something to believe in again. And it's a formula that works.

So I have no doubt this one, with the double punch of a great story and Sandler's tremendous, if often unfathomable, popularity, will be a big success. I just wish that sometime someone would think to remake a film that didn't work as well originally, and try to resculpt it in a way that is more pleasing, rather than continue to try the impossible and improve on films that really didn't need any improvement to begin with.

My Top Twenty TV Shows of All Time

1) "All in the Family"

This show is a personal and very sentimental favorite, on two levels. I watched this show religiously with my folks as a kid, from the summer reruns of 1971 till it ended and morphed into "Archie Bunker's Place" in 1979. It was a Saturday and later, Sunday, ritual. The writing was spot on hilarious, the situations echoed those of the times very accurately, and the acting and characterization (particularly Carroll O'Connor's Archie) was really a thing of genius. On a different level, this show really WAS my family, particularly the parents. My father was a old fashioned, somewhat prejudiced, monumentally stubborn man who, like Archie, nonetheless did what he did from a true and undeniable love for his family. And Edith, like my mother, was that rare thing in life, a truly GOOD person who always thought of everyone else before herself, and tried in vain to keep peace amid a sea of strong personalities. My mother was much more intelligent than Edith and could hardly be called a "dingbat" but in terms of her kindness and soothing influence on her family, there was a real parallel.

I don't know if there ever will be a show that will be able to equal AITF's expert mixture of laughs, social commentary and sentiment. I truly doubt it. It may just be that it's one of those shows that occurs at just the right time with just the right people, and it's magic can never be recaptured. I will always watch AITF with a kind of reverent nostalgia for a much simpler time when my folks were here, no one ever heard of a cell phone or the internet or anthrax, and families actually ate together around a dinner table (albeit with a customary argument). It's just a true gem in the history of television, and belongs right at the top of my list.

2) "M*A*S*H"

I think M*A*S* H was the first show to blend war and comedy and that's certainly a rough mix for some. But like AITF, somehow it pulled it off. With a really effective ensemble cast, and perhaps even more importantly, great replacement characters for the several main ones that left early, MASH really goes down as a classic show in terms of setting, writing, characters, and theme. Obviously an anti-war show, somehow M managed to corral viewers of all political stripes. It probably was a good decision to make it about the Korean, rather than the Vietnam, War. The former was a much shorter, much less publicized and divisive war, and creator Larry Gelbart was still able to establish his theme and deliver his points about the Vietnam War by this clever masquerade. Lots of unforgettable moments; the death of Colonel Blake, Hawkeye's various breakdowns, his dalliance with Hot Lips, the newreel footage episode, etc, etc. Perhaps the show's finest hour was it's 90 minute finale, which I remember watching alone on a Sunday night at college after my folks had just dropped me off and headed home. You knew you were never going to see (most of) these characters again, and it was very hard to say goodbye to people you felt you had been through so much with.
3) "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"

I remember watching this show with my mom on Saturdays, again as a very young boy. It's strong points where it's excellent dialogue and characters, all of whom were remarkably fleshed out and well realized. The laughs came from character, not the typical "one liner" type hokum that passes for comedy these days. You came to know and love all of Mary Richards' friends and co-workers, and you adored Mary, the thirty something woman on her own for the first time in a harsh world who never let that world make her harsh. Like MASH, TMTMS boasted a great final episode, again making you feel as though you were saying goodbye to old friends.

4) "The X-Files"

I have a strong interest in paranormal matters, so it was only natural I would check this show out. What was surprising about it, and what put it on this list, was the way it emphasized the relationship between detectives Mulder and Scully and dealt with so many human truths about loss, love, belief and redemption. Once you got past the fact that you were watching a show that might feature a humanoid flukeworm or a cannibalistic hill family, it was hard to deny that there was some powerful subtext occurring here. Almost didn't put it on the list due to a definite dip in quality in the last two or three seasons, but the strength of the first six was undeniable.
5) "SCTV"

I'm not sure if any show has ever really reached the expert level of satire this one did. The amount of exacting detail, the way they made fun of TV while simultaneously expressing affection for the medium, was truly inspired. All of the characters at SCTV seemed so familiar to us because we all knew TV personalities that seemed to mirror them in some way. The show was cynical without being cruel, a hard task in the best of times. Sure wish they'd bring this one back...
6) "Barney Miller"

I've read where cops say this show is the most accurate portrayal of police life ever put on TV. It certainly was the most entertaining. Between the bizarre mix of personalities of the detectives of the 12th precinct and the even more bizarre parade of suspects and victims that came through their doors, this show was all about people, not guns and action. The interaction between the cops was really a thing of beauty; creator Danny Arnold really crafted an original, one of a kind show that was at turns cynical, world weary, hopeful, compassionate and sometimes downright strange. Kind of like real life.


7) "Bob Newhart Show"

While it doesn't quite hit the emotional high notes of some of the other shows I've listed, this little gem will always be the benchmark of comedy from Bob Newhart, reflecting his sensibility and humor more than anything else we've seen him in. He's a usually calm center in a storm of eccentricities, the psychologist who takes his work (and sometimes his patients) home with him. This a kind of droll, subtle humor that is more or less extinct in this day of "in your face" edginess and the ubiquitous "envelope pushing". Bob's world is simple, down to earth, filled with lots of local color realism (gotta love that opening shot of the L) and a kind of understated decency that is kind of nostalgic and comforting. Like most of the best sitcoms, the humor arises from character, not throw away one-liners.

8) "The Twilight Zone" One of the few on my list that I haven't seen in quite a while. These shows were almost always just as much about the human condition as they were about spaceships or ghosts. Rod Serling was really a master of drama, and the actors chosen for the series were spot on terrific. So many episodes really made you consider your views of certain social issues, like racism, justice, technology, materialism, belief, etc. I love shows like this that are entertaining on two levels; one, from just the standpoint of a great narrative and two, they really reverberated with social relevance.

9) "Knots Landing"

It's hard to imagine a soap opera being better than this one. The "little sister" spinoff from "Dallas" scored with stories that were more down to earth, and characters that weren't all filthy rich. Though like any soap, particularly ones that lasted for over a decade, it's quality ebbed and flowed, it always bounced back from low points and didn't do a quality freefall like "Dallas" did in the mid-Eighties. Strong characters, sharp, insightful writing and plots that really held your interest were all KL's strong points. It also enjoyed an effective final episode that wrapped up the series in style, quite a rarity.
10) "Homicide: Life on the Street"

A show ostensibly about cops, but more about the lives of the men who worked as cops. Alternatively funny, tragic, bizarre, quirky, and deeply insightful, this show never really got the ratings (or network treatment) it deserved, but it lives on as a cult series. It made excellent use of music, camerawork and local color to really convey a sense of place and mood; one of the most original shows of all time, looking and sounding like no other. Characters were three dimensional and not always sympathetic, and the clashes within the squad were as interesting if not more than the cases they solved. Suffered a definite dip in quality in the last season, as do most shows, but not enough to kick it off my list.


11) "The Carol Burnett Show"

In my memory, this is probably the best sketch comedy show ever. While it was nominally a variety show, let's face it, there weren't a lot of people tuning in to see Beverly Sills sing. No, what they wanted was "Mama's Family" or the antics of Mr. Tudball and Mrs. Wiggins or the hilarious commercial and movie parodies the team did. These four never were as strong on their own as they were together, and a casual perusal of some old episodes shows why. They loved each other, worked so well together, like a well oiled machine. I remember lots of Saturday nights lying on my folks living room floor just busting a gut at this show. And twenty five years plus after it went off the air, it's still funny today.



12) "The Greatest American Hero"

An odd choice, I know. This show only lasted about two and a half years and only enjoyed good ratings for part of one. But in its unique way, this show was a lot of things; funny, sad, berserk, action packed, and very strongly acted. A superhero parody, GAH really did a good job of answering the question "what would you do with a suit that gave you superpowers?" I loved the way no one was ever really sure what the suit would or could do, and how Ralph never really got full control over his powers. And the verbal interplay among he and Bill and Pam was just so wonderful. I have yearned for a reunion show for years, but now it's no doubt been too many years to really get anything together. Oh well, we still have our memories.

13) "The Incredible Hulk"

Another odd entry, I guess. But I said these were my favorite, not necessarily the best. This show did feature strong writing and acting, even if the spx were well, of the 70's, let's say. I love comic books, but I really think this show succeeded by playing down the camp aspects as much as possible and honing in on the story of this well meaning, widowed doctor who is permanently displaced by this awful curse he has accidentally given himself. Bill Bixby really made this thing shine, as he took what could have been an embarressing role and played it absolutely straight with as much dignity as he could muster. And it worked.

14) "Leave it to Beaver"


Probably the most accurate show about childhood I've ever seen. Ironic it's over forty years old now. "Beaver" showed kids as they are; quizzical, confused, smart alecky, rather out of touch with the real world and often totally clueless, yet still charming. None of this "wiser than their years" dialogue. These kids talked like real kids and acted like them too. They kicked cans, "hung around" talked about doing "junk" and had boring chores like raking leaves or cleaning out the garage. Their world is often lampooned, but the truth is that things really kind of were that way at one time. The fact that they are no longer is not a cause for celebration.
15) "Twin Peaks"

From the bizarre Badalamenti opening theme to the beautiful and haunting cinematography, "Twin Peaks" will always occupy a special place in my TV history. It had a very odd and large cast of characters, an overarching and engaging mystery, weird, quasi-supernatural overtones and truly unpredictable storylines that kept you coming back for more. The second season wasn't as strong as the first, and the resolution of the Laura Palmer plot did fall flat for me, but none of that mitigated the incredible impression this show left in my mind. It was an absolutely original piece of work by David Lynch, and it contained some moments I will honestly never forget.
16) "The Simpsons"

It's hard to know what to say about the Simpsons that hasn't already been said. Though they aren't quite as strong now as they once were, the Simpsons' scripts have generally been the most insightful, intelligent and piercing social satire on the air in the last two decades, if not ever. It's not so much a show about the Simpsons as it is about Springfield (and really, America) and all the cultural idiocies therein. It's not quite as subversive as it once was, as it's practically an instiution now, but there are moments and lines from this show that will be permanently etched on the minds of several generations of Americans. Homer is a boorish, gluttonous, clueless oaf, Bart is a hell raising, selfish, shallow malcontent, Lisa is a no it all, judgemental nerd, and Marge is the put upon, somewhat naive and oh so whitebread wife, but we love them all more FOR their imperfections than because of them. This show is deceptively complex and amazingly perceptive and somehow manages to convey love of the modern American family and culture while simultaneously blasting it to pieces. A one of a kind show.
17) "Futurama"

I'm not sure I have ever seen a cartoon that produced as many laughs as this one. Knowing, cynical, whimsical, berserk and even at times, touching, this futuristic (duh!) show about a hopeless loser who is accidentally frozen in time on New Year's Eve 1999 and wakes up on New Year's Eve 2999 is the second child of "Simpsons creator" Matt Groening. It didn't last nearly as long as the Simpsons, but there are those of us who think it's just as biting and insightful (and dare I say it?...occasionally moreso!)

18) "Friends"

"Friends" is truly a modern phenomenon, keying in on what was in the 90s a very new phenomenon, that of friends being on their own for the first time and living as one does with family. It was basically a ten year soap opera, with a Seinfeld mindset and sensibility. What made it so damned watchable was the depth of the characters and the actors that portrayed them. All of them were very human but still much more likable and identifiable than the "Seinfeld" gang. Unlike the latter, these people really WERE there for each other, and there are moments of this show that will live forever in TV history.


19) "Star Trek"

"Star Trek" is the seminal outer space science fiction show, part Western, part social commentary, part visionary epic from the mind of Gene Roddenberry. It's easy now in this day of ultra fine special effects to laugh at the older show, but the writing, acting and even effects still hold up for me to this day. I love shows that really are an expression of a creator's personal vision, uncluttered (largely) by editors, networks, or committee writing, and this was one of the first TV shows to fulfill this type of vision. "Star Trek" gave us hope of surviving the nuclear age, of eliminating discrimination of all types, of taking a message of peace and brotherhood to the cosmos and it also fostered a sense of exploration and adventure. It truly entertained and informed on so many levels, and the fact that it and its TV spinoffs are still being viewed almost forty years later it a testimony to its lasting universal message and appeal.

I could watch this show forever, and probably will.

20) "NYPD Blue"

"NYPD Blue" is probably the best cop drama ever. It broke new ground not just in terms of content, but more in terms of dramatic intensity and realism. Never before had we seen what it really is like to be a cop in an urban setting, with all the family and personal conflicts running hand in hand with the professional conflicts. The cases themselves were compelling, well acted dramas that almost always had some sort of immediate cultural relevancy, and evoked strong emotions on the part of the viewers. Andy Sipowicz will no doubt go down in history as one of the best television characters of all time, and Dennis Franz portrayed him as a master concerto conducting a professional orchestra; he hit all the right notes, subtle and moving, loud and demonstrative, light and dark, conflicted and certain. He (and the show) were truly unforgettable.