Why "haunted"?

A couple of factors have kept me from posting regularly here, both of them, quite unfortunately, beyond my control.

My mother was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and is about to begin radiation therapy for the disease. It's a terribly upsetting, trying time for my family and it is very difficult to concentrate on anything but her battle at this point. Everything else tends to seem very trivial, or at the very least, non-essential. My mom and I have always been very close and I know that she wants me to think of things other than her illness and continue on with my life as much as possible, but it is so difficult. Besides the day to day medical concerns, you just can't help but think about your life, your decisions, etc. The proper words are failing me, but suffice it to say that my energies are focused totally on her progress and hopeful recovery as she moves through this process. I will post when I can, depending of course on whether I have something interesting to say. But Mom comes first.

Also my computer has been acting up of late. The server is the most likely culprit. It seems glacially slow, rendering even the most simple tasks (i.e. checking e-mail) time consuming and frustrating. Yet I plug away, knowing that posting regularly will be difficult.

I wanted to talk a little about the title of my blog, "haunted". I don't know if most people bother to do so, but I thought an explanation might be in order. Why "haunted"? The simplest answer is "because I AM haunted."

I am haunted by indecision and inaction. I am haunted by words left unspoken, tasks started but never finished, by wasted time and energy. I am haunted by people who are gone but cannot (and should not) be forgotten. I am haunted by a dozen colors of guilt. I am haunted by nostalgia, by the shame that comes with thinking that things always seemed better in the past. I am haunted by faces I yearn to see and can't and those I don't wish to see and must. I am haunted by my father's death, by the reverberations of that event that are with me always. I am haunted by the poor health of my mother, as decent a human being that ever was, who deserves so much more. I am haunted by the lost sense of purpose of our country and the world in general. I am haunted fear, so much fear; of the future, of the yawning unknown that lies before me, of failure and of success.

But mostly, I am haunted by myself.

Tomorrow, I want to post something fun. I hope someone out there is listening. If you are, let me know. If you aren't, then I have to work harder to create something worth listening to.

Michael

Why I Love SpiderMan

Peter Parker can cling to walls with his hands and feet, shoot a highly adhesive and powerful webbing from his wrists, sense danger with a kind of early warning system,  bend steel with his bare hands, is highly agile and incredibly acrobatic.
     None of those things makes him a hero, though.
     Parker is a hero because he honestly struggles with and cares about doing the right thing.  He loves his aunt and tries his best to help take care of her, he loves his would-be girlfriend so much he is willing to sacrifice a relationship with her just so he can be sure she is protected from his enemies.  He cares about his friend Harry even though Harry hates his alter-ego SpiderMan and blames him for his own father's death.  He agonizes with guilt over his uncle's death, a death he feels he could have prevented if he had only done the right thing.  
     Parker is not a pumped up, macho stud strutting his stuff.  He doesn't get off on beating people up; he's just a decent, caring guy who does the best he can under much less than perfect circumstances.  He feels a responsibility to others because of his newfound abilities, and acts on it even when doing so devastates his personal life. 
     Beyond the sage theme delinated years ago by Stan Lee that "with great power comes great responsibility", another perhaps just as powerful theme emerges in the film.  "Sometimes to do the right thing we have to give up the thing we want the most" (or words to that effect) says Parker's Aunt May.  This is a difficult, hard to deliver message in a world where we all want everything and we want it right now.  The notion of sacrifice, let alone casting aside "the thing you want most" in service of "doing the right thing" is a real rarity today, and Parker's allegiance to this motto (and his convincing of the validity of the maxim to the film's villain, Dr. Octopus) really cements my admiration for the character and the bravery of the writers.
     The film works so well not just because of the theme it conveys, but also because of the great casting.  Tobey Maquire and Kirsten Dunst make Peter and Mary Jane seem real, conflicted and very human.  They don't have tons of ready to use witticisms and "I'm cool" lingo to apply to their situation.  Both make more out of a longing glance or a sigh than they could with a dozen one-liners.  Alfred Molina was a great, sympathetic villain, too.  Otto Octavius was a well meaning, if a bit overly ambitious scientist who was driven mad by the artificial intelligence of four prosthetic arms he grafts to his body begin to take over his mind.  And J.K. Simmons was a great, bombastic J. Jonah Jameson.
     There were other elements of the film that did work well, and those that didn't.  I liked the subplot of Peter losing his powers and being tortured by whether or not to continue as SpiderMan.  I also loved the inclusion of "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head" after Peter temporarily abandons his role as Spidey and all the burden that entails.  I didn't think the subplot of Peter's landlord's daughter having a crush on him really went anywhere or was necessary, and the strange lady who sang the theme to the cartoon "SpiderMan" was funny once, but not twice.  Likewise, the elevator scene kind of went on too long and fell a bit flat, but I really enjoyed the train sequence near the end of the film where Peter bonds with the people he saves.  I also enjoyed the way the film series is following the comic book's soap opera storytelling.  Everyone in somehow related to someone else, and that always makes for some nice fluid, organic storytelling, as long as its not done with a heavy hand.
     The greatest asset this film had, though, was its ability to make its hero "heroic".  He earned that title by his actions and motivations, not just because he donned a suit and pounded on criminals.  There are lots of nice scenes where characters talk about motivation and feelings, and these scenes make the action sequences all the more relevant and interesting.
     There's a couple of great teasers for the third "Spidey" film at the end.  Not sure who all the villains will be, though the return of the Green Goblin seems a no-brainer.  I'd love to see the Lizard and Man-Wolf show up (both characters' alter egos are featured in this film) but we'll have to wait and see. 
     Whatever happens, the series is in good hands and is terrificially loyal to the look, feel and spirit of the comic book.  We all like SpiderMan because he's just a great guy, by no means perfect but definitely a sympathetic, indentifiable hero.

By Way of Introduction

One of the prerequisites for creating a 'blog seems to be having something to say, preferably something useful or interesting to someone else. I can only hope that this is the case with me; I have plenty to say, that much is true. As to how much that will interest others, I am less sure.

Regardless, I want to write. I want a daily record of thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc. I hope to post something every day; obviously I cannot guarantee that. As Judd Nelson so correctly observed in "The Breakfast Club", it's an imperfect world, and I fit right in.

I was a English Literature and Writing Major years ago, and fancied that I would make writing a hobby/career while working in other venues. That lasted for a couple of years, until real life concerns, disappointment and general ennui conspired to more or less end my writing discipline. I've tried various formats to get myself motivated; APAs, online writing groups, etc. Nothing stuck, though I suppose the obligation is not on the format to "stick" but on myself to stick with it, regardless of the fate of the format.

So here I am. I hope to jot down story ideas, cultural rants, maybe some poetry as the mood strikes me. I used to think that the tyranny of writing something each day even if you had nothing new to say was kind of pointless, and that waiting till you were "ready" was wiser. Now I think there's a real purpose to just slugging away day after day, building a record of thoughts and ideas even if most of them go nowhere. Someone wise once said that a goal is just a wish if you don't write it down, and I think that is pertinent to this endeavor. All the great story ideas in the world will be eventually forgotten and never acted on if they don't get logged somewhere, and for now, for me, this is that somewhere.

I love movies; science fiction, horror, all types really. Not so crazy about most of the stuff I'm seeing lately, though. And while I used to be something of a television addict, I find that besides news I have less than a handful of shows that I can't miss. No one seems to have any new ideas, and no one seems to be able to create likeable characters in interesting, believable stories. Even the "reality" shows aren't real, at least in the sense of connecting on an emotional level with the audience and reflecting something of their own experience back upon them.

Books? Heh, well, I'm ashamed to admit how long it's been since I read a book. Another passion sacrificed for less meaningful pursuits. Still love classics like Hawthorne, Poe, John Steinbeck, Stephen Crane, and look to them as the template for what good writing can be.

I also enjoy talking about politics, though that fine art has become brutish and increasingly shrill of late. Heaven forbid anyone look at both sides of an issue and not come down squarely on one side or the other.

That may be enough for an introductory post. At least, it may have to be, since I'm running late. I might write something about "SpiderMan2" tomorrow. I'll try.

Till then,

Michael