The World is Too Much

My dad didn't know a damned thing about fixing up the house. He wasn't a carpenter, a painter, an electrician, He didn't know how to install drywall, or build on a deck, or shingle a roof or landscape a yard.

My mom wasn't on any committees. She didn't get petitions going, she didn't run for office or set up a foundation or tend a garden. She didn't have a car, and in fact didn't even drive. She didn't work outside the home and she wasn't my soccer coach. She didn't travel the world, or even that much within the U.S.


I cannot help but think how their lives would have been perceived in this modern age, particularly if they had been young adults in this 21st century. Somehow, sometime, it became unthinkable to not be able to do EVERYTHING. Your roof need replacing? Do it yourself, Wimp! Need rewiring done? Hell, get off your ass and do it! Replace your own pipes, do your own taxes, paint, school your kids at home, buy books about how to raise your kids, become an expert in every single aspect of modern life and then by God, apply it!

I suppose a lot of this trend is based on the information explosion. There is almost nothing you can't look up on the Internet or buy a "...for Dummies" book about, and why wouldn't you want to save money by doing as much as possible for yourself? Why wouldn't you want the latest thinking on child rearing, health care, investing your IRA or 401K, starting a garden, or caring for a pet? Doctors, plumbers, painters and carpenters all charge outrageous hourly fees and there is nothing wrong with being independent and frugal at the same time.

But with all this information at our disposal there comes a kind of pressure, too. Now we not only feel that we CAN learn and do just about everything, but that we HAVE to learn and do everything. If your neighbor is putting on his roof himself, you feel somewhat inadequate if you don't do the same. If your brother is rewiring his house, you feel like you should be able to as well. Never mind that your neighbor or your brother may not really know what the hell they are doing. A "how to" manual and a helpful website aren't really sufficient to make one an expert in anything, but that's how our world works these days. We all know a little bit about everything, but we don't know a LOT about anything.

That doesn't stop us from prying open the hood of the car and poking our noses around and making all kind of knowing grunts, or assuming because we can pound a nail that we can make a blueprint and understand stress points and complex geometry. We wouldn't dare do otherwise. We are all being propelled by a sense of "keeping up with the Joneses" knowledge wise, so to admit that there are actually areas we aren't particularly skilled in is socially verboten.

I'm not quite sure who is to blame for all of this. The media, our hyperkinetic culture (I long for the days of ONE treadmill; now we seem obligated to keep several going at once), or more likely, just ourselves for being so foolish and weak willed that we give into the tyranny of it all. The TV and internet can blast away all day at us, but in the end they are just devices. We are the ones with a brain and a choice. We can choose to attempt the things we have an aptitude (and time and energy) for, or we can run around like one of Ed Sullivan's plate spinners and hope that it doesn't all come crashing to the ground and expose us for the frauds that we are.

In our quite understandable joy at the freedoms the 20th century brought (access to technology and information, equal rights for all sexes, colors and religions, unprecedented economic resources) we began to feel invincible. But for all these wonderful developments, we are still limited by time and energy. There are still only 24 hours a day and we still only live to be around 80 years old. Add in the fact that some people are just more naturally inclined towards certain skills and you come up with the same formula you've always had; we're only human, despite all the advances. And while learning is absolutely essential to survival, not to mention fun, there is a point at which we need to acknowledge that everyone doesn't have to know EVERYTHING! It's OK to ask for help, or beg ignornance. You don't have to have an answer to every single question that is posed to you. Just as it's OK to say "I don't know", it's OK to say "I can't do that".


My father did know how to do difficult arithmetic in his head. He was a great organizer of people, time and resources. He coached my Little League baseball team and played catch with me nearly every night. He was in the U.S. Army in World War II, and he did government work for 32 years. He was on the local city council for ten years. But he also loved mowing the lawn, talking about high school basketball games from years gone by, keeping box scores of baseball games, and walking our dog. He liked to read the paper and take a nap. He shuttled several elderly relatives and friends to doctor's appointments, and he loved a good ice cream cone.

My mother was a great cook. She knew how to play the piano and saxophone. She had terrific handwriting, and was a great speller. She had a wonderful memory for days gone by, and was a good listener. She was good with animals, patient and loving with children and had a really witty sense of humor. She kept house, balanced a checkbook, and she played endless games with me as a child. She helped me with my homework, taught me how to treat other people with kindess and was the most giving person I have ever known. She loved to play games, watch TV, use her WebTV, chat on the phone with friends, and eat out. She liked to shop and take long rides in the country. She liked to listen to big band music and read biographies.


And, for me, they knew, and did, enough.