Fingernails on my Blackboard

I haven't posted my latest gripes and grievances in a long time. So to make up for this shameful neglect, here's a sampling of what's been making me pull my hair out recently.

1) People's "bad moods" - I hear this a lot lately. "Oh I'm in a bad mood, so watch out." Or "she's in a bad mood, don't take it personally." Well, you know what? Screw your bad mood. I have reasons to be pissy each and every single day of my life, and if I wanted to I could be petty and selfish just like you and expect everyone around me to react to my "bad mood" but I'm not doing it. Why should I, or you, expect everyone else to suffer for something you probably had nothing at all to do with? You're mad at your husband for not helping around the house? Well, tell him about it, don't fly into a rage at work because I misplaced your precious pen (which isn't yours anyway, it's the company's). Upset at the kids for doing poorly in school, or asking for too much money? Ground them and take away their allowance, don't get all huffy with me because I don't fall in lock step with every anal retentive habit you have developed over the years. Focus your anger on the source, suck it up and be kind to those who had nothing to do with your personal issues; if I want drama, I'll rent a Dustin Hoffman movie.

2) Babies or Small Kids Talking like Adults isn't Funny, it's Creepy - From that horrific Etrade commercial with the slobbering infant proudly proclaiming his online trading to those equally chilling American General commercials with toddlers nasally (and almost certainly, uncomprehendingly) spouting off dire predictions about their family's financial futures, we seem to be awash in ultra precocious brats preaching to us clueless adults. I guess Madison Avenue assumes that the baby boomers (and now Gen Xers) are thrilled and comforted by the notion that their kids are not really just blank slates waiting for parental imprinting, but in fact totally self sufficient and prescient mini adults who are capable of lecturing their elders. It's yuppie wish fulfillment at its most negligent and narcissistic.

3) The death of observational comedy - Does every single comedy from now have to feature Jack Black, Steve Carrell, the crew from "Knocked Up" or the Farrelly Brothers? Sure, there's a place for gross out, frat house, "irresponsible young adults having to face reality" comedies, but whatever happened to the more mature, subtle stylings of people like Woody Allen or Albert Brooks? Both of those guys are admittedly getting a bit long in the tooth, but isn't there a budding satirist out there who makes his points with a feather, rather than a hammer, touch? Maybe I'm just getting old myself, but I miss comedy that didn't rely on some form of bodily fluid or outrageous sight gag to make me laugh.

4) Music - Seriously, has anyone really heard anything worth listening to in the last, oh say, fifteen years or so? Frank Zappa once said that the world will end not in fire or ice, but nostalgia, but I'd argue that it's not so much a longing for the past that makes millions of people turn into oldies stations everyday, it's a dearth of quality contemporary tunes. There's some listenable stuff with lyrics that stick in your head for a few days, but do you really think that in 30 years anyone will be listening to "Stronger" on a "00's Classics" station? Or that there will even BE such a thing as an "00's Classics" station?

5) Everything Around Me Is Dangerous, And It's all My Fault For Not Being More Organized/Cautious/Prepared/Diligent - Well at least according to the evening news. Let's see, there's mold in my house that could ruin my property value and potentially kill me, there's millions of disease ridden bacteria in my kitchen, there's lead and asbestos lurking in the walls just waiting to poison me and/or give me cancer, my cars brakes don't work right, the gas I put in it has too much water, all my kids toys are either toxic or going to choke him to death, there's radon floating undetected everywhere, my smoke alarms don't work right, I'm not drinking enough water, my cholesterol's too high, everything I eat has too much sugar or sodium, diet soda has preservatives that affectively switch off my DNA, I'm almost positive I don't have enough insurance, there's scores of online hackers just waiting to steal my identity and ruin my credit and there's insects, well, pretty much everywhere.

All of this information about potential hazards in your life is fine and usually well intended but there's such an overwhelming glut of it in the modern world that if you really took all of it to heart you'd scarcely be able to get out of bed in the morning, let alone lead a productive life. Life involves risk and danger, and with the information overflow we seem to be facing lately, it's almost incumbent upon the individual to either judiciously screen his/her time consuming that information or at the very least, try to come to some kind of reasonable truce with the catastrophic nature of most of it. All of these things are things that could POSSIBLY happen, but there are also things that could have happened ten, twenty, or fifty years ago but no one was unduly stressed by them because we either didn't know about them or we weren't so relentlessly pounded with alerts and warnings about them. Either way, it's important to put some kind of boundaries and filters on our personal daily information intake, lest we end up barricaded in a home with a shotgun and boxes of hydrogen peroxide, bleach, insect repellent, mold killer, anti virus programs, water bottles, and canned foods (low fat and sugar of course). Life's a scary place but ultimately, we won't get out alive anyway and obsessive concentration on the bad stuff that MIGHT happen is going to make the time we have here much less productive, and truly unpleasant.

I've got tons of other gripes, pecadillos, pet peeves and cultural nemesis', but I'm tired so that's it for now.