This Little Light of Mine

"As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being." Carl Jung

I often have trouble deciding what to write about in this blog. I can think of plenty of things to write about, but it's hard to not repeat myself over and over. Some subjects become exhausted fairly quickly, and others don't really lend themselves to the type of "sound bite" format that blogs tend to favor. Also unlike most blogs, mine is all over the map subject-wise; it's not a sports blog, or a political blog or a movie blog, or even a "this is my life" blog. It's sort of an "everything" blog, which probably partially accounts for why no one ever seems to read it. So I can't really hone in on one subject, or at least I don't want to because I find that to be very limiting creatively.

Ultimately, though, I guess I shouldn't worry too much about what I choose to write about. This is, after all, my blog. It's what I want it to be, and what I make it. I don't have an editor, or for that matter, even much of an audience. I'm writing for the simple reason that I love to write, and that I CAN write. The blog is a great (and convenient) medium in which to do this, so here I am.

On a deeper level, I'm maintaining the blog because writing is an essential part of me. No matter how much I procrastinate and obfuscate (woop! woop! English major words alert!), writing has been a more or less consistent part of my life since I was about six years old. Even if I take years off (which I have), it's still there, part of my identity and history and DNA. It's my "little light"; something we all have that is special about us. It's what I can do well when I apply myself. Some people can build houses, some people can sew, others are financial wizards, and some are great artists. I can't do much of anything that well; I can't build anything to save my life, and as fix it man I'm a total washout. I'm a reluctant driver and a terrible housekeeper. But, given the right circumstances and the proper motivation, I can still write. It may not come as easily to me as it did when I was in high school or college, turning a bit rusty and creaky through disuse, but there is still life in the motor, the lights still wink on. The machine still works.

Sometimes I truly wish my "light" was something more practical and physical. A gardener doesn't have to "think" what to garden. There's no such thing as "bricklayer's block". A computer technician doesn't sit in front of a motherboard praying for divine inspiration. All of these people are able to just go about their passion directly without having to struggle too much with their subject matter; it's right in front of them.


But again, maybe the writing is in and of itself, "good enough". I want to be excited by my subject matter and don't want it to ever become rote, but as long as I'm writing something maybe the purpose is served. As Tom Hanks character said in the movie "Castaway", the secret to surviving was to "keep breathing...you never know what will wash up...". Maybe I keep "breathing" through writing, about anything, keeping those creative juices flowing, maybe that will sustain me long enough until something wonderful washes ashore, like a great novel or a collection of short stories. And even if it doesn't, maybe the combined total of all that "breathing" will amount to something meaningful in the end. Maybe the simple act of doing what you can do well is the point of all this, not any kind of "pie in the sky" end result. Maybe doing what you love and excel at serves the higher function of self-definition, of impacting the world in a positive way using whatever gift you have.

I've lost so much in the last couple of years; my mother, my brother, my place of residence, pets and my emotional and motivational equilibrium. It's made me realize how quickly everything we take for granted can be gone forever, and how important it is to go ahead shine our light when and where we can. It's not only what sets us apart from everyone else and defines us, it's what we can do to be happy and fulfilled in a world that doesn't provide many such opportunities. No one knows more than me how easy it is to ignore your light; we're all able to fill up our lives with distractions that we use to excuse our neglect of our passions. We have family issues, personal issues, work and other practical concerns. But I know it's a mistake to let these matters get in the way of our calling. Without it, we're all just marking time, existing rather than living.

So I'll try not to obsess overmuch about what to write, and concentrate more on writing. To do otherwise is just cheating myself, really.

I still have a light to shine, I just wish sometimes I knew which direction to shine it in.